Episode 29: Herbarium Heist Pt. I
01:37:31
For our annual Spring Pledge Drive, we have created a special two-episode series called Herbarium Heist. In this Dungeons and Dragons campaign set in a Lady Science world full of magic-wielding lady scientists and historical cameos, your hosts, joined by special guests Stephen McGann from “Call the Midwife,” Alexis Pedrick from Distillations Podcast, and Jessica Lynn Parsons from “The Dungeon Run,” embark on a mission to save 19th century London from a cholera epidemic.
To support our pledge drive and become Lady Science Patron, visit patreon.com/ladyscience.
Cast
Dungeon Master: Anna Reser
Voice over: Stephen McGann
Winifred “Freddy” Ruthenium: Leila McNeill
Isabel McPherson: Rebecca Ortenberg
Henrietta “Henri” Elmwood: Jessica Lynn Parsons
Scapula “Bones” Jones: Alexis Pedrick
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Credits
Production and mixing: Leila McNeill
Music
Waltz Of The Skeleton Keys by WombatNoisesAudio | https://soundcloud.com/user-734462061
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The Crown by Alexander Nakarada | https://www.serpentsoundstudios.com
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Minstrel by PeriTune | http://peritune.com
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Sound
Walk in dry leaves in the forest by devy32
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Rumble by CantikFrantik
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Bones by Kneeling
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Rattling Bones by spookymodem
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Dramatic Sting
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Twigs snapping by giddster
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Dart thud 2 by CosmicEmbers
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Steps on wooden stairs by NikoMyth
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Door, Front, Opening by InspectorJ
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Crunching Sounds of Gears Flickering by tmc_zach
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Sussex Woodland & Meadow Bird Sounds, Evening by Vonora
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Walking in grass in evening with loud bird by deleted_user_5437135
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Dogs running in a forest by ramagochi
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Small dog barking and growling by michorvath
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Lake Waves by Benboncan
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Bubbling, Large by InspectorJ
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Splash, Jumping, H by InspectorJ
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Transcript
Transcription by Julia Pass
Leila: Hi, everyone. Leila here. Before we get into today's episode, I should explain that this will not be our usual episode. This is the first of two parts of a special Dungeons and Dragons campaign set in a Lady Science world called Herbarium Heist. Your hosts are playing magic-wielding scientists and are joined by some special guests and fun historical cameos. And we hope that you have as much fun listening to this as we did making it.
***
Stephen McGann: Dark times have descended upon London. A cholera epidemic has torn through the city, killing hundreds and instilling fear in every quarter. Every quarter except among the elite, that is. Expensive theaters are still operating, the great exclusive colleges are still teaching classes, and the hallowed scientific institutions of the city are still humming along. There are rumors that the well-heeled have some immunity to the disease, but little is known for certain. Darker, more arcane whispers are sometimes heard on the street, that there is dark magic afoot.
Stephen McGann: The center for all this controversy and suspicion is Kew Gardens, a lush, walled oasis where the city's scientific elite are meeting this very evening to celebrate a lavish gala in honor of the garden's curator, the storied botanist Joseph the Director.
Stephen McGann: Tonight all the most famous scientists will gather at the Herbarium inside the garden. Four intrepid lady scientists have come here to discover the secret inside, to determine if these denizens of London's upper crust do in fact have a cure for the dreaded disease. And if they do, they are going to steal it back for the people. To pull off this daring heist, they will need all of their cunning and toughness, all of their many years of scientific expertise, and a little magic of their own.
Anna: Let's get started. You have received a letter, and it came to you bound with a red ribbon and written in a very fine, almost illegible hand. So who would like to read this letter to get started?
Alexis: I will happily read it if you want. "My dear madams, I write to you with the gravest of urgency. You will be aware that the city's besieged by disease and disorder. You do not, perhaps, know that this plague would be cured, but for the greed and selfishness of one man. Your accomplishments are well known to my associates and I, and we request with all due esteem that your assistance in procuring from the Herbarium at Kew Gardens a rare tome in which is contained the answer to the mystery of this pestilence.
Alexis: "I implore you to come the evening of this Sunday to the Herbarium, where we might together relieve the director of the secret he so unjustly withholds from the people of London. I will await you at the servants' entrance to the Herbarium near the river. Yours most faithfully, M. S."
Anna: It is Sunday. It is dusk. Long shadows are tracing down the streets of London, and the light is golden. And it is just about time for a gala to begin at Kew Gardens. And you are all arriving at the gate to the gardens in a carriage together, and you can see other people entering the garden. And they're all dressed very finely, and they look like they're headed for a party. Some of 'em definitely were pregaming it.
Anna: So your carriage stops outside the gates to the garden, and you all get out and stand in front of the gate. And if you would, please, just sort of you can go around and introduce yourself, the player and the character that you are playing. So, Leila, you wanna start?
Leila: Sure. I'm Leila, and I'm gonna be playing Winifred Ruthenium, and she likes to be called Freddy. And she is a part of London's secret underground of amateur scientists, called the Artificers. And this group of women has been ostracized cruelly by the Royal Society for their very unconventional ideas.
Leila: And what they do is that they spend their time trying to harness and unlock the secrets of arcane power through the methods of science. And my specialty is alchemy, and I am ready to finally test out my skills in the real world after having to do tests and experiments in secret for all of these years.
Alexis: Awesome. I feel like we're friends already. I love a secret society.
Jessica: Secret society.
Anna: Rebecca?
Rebecca: Sure. I am Rebecca, and today I am playing Isabel McPherson, who grew up in India. Her father was a British civil servant, and he and also Isabel's mother died under mysterious circumstances, which she would like to uncover, but she also spends her time exploring in the various parts of the world.
Rebecca: She started her explorations around the world after scaring off various suitors that her other relatives tried to marry her off to, usually because she wanted to go on dramatic hikes through the jungle with them and they thought this was weird, which she thinks is silly. If they just can't keep up, that's their problem.
Rebecca: But she has most recently been on a trip through the Himalayas and has become an expert in various kinds of alpine and forest natural plants and terrain and has come to London to show off her discoveries and also to find out what the heck is up with this Herbarium meeting.
Anna: Okay. Alexis?
Alexis: Hello. So I'm Alexis. I am playing Scapula Jones, who also likes to go by her favorite nickname, Bones. She is in the family business, which is "archaeology," quote-unquote, and if you've heard anything different, you've been mistaken. She is the daughter of the most famous lady thief in the world, who also disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
Alexis: She loves the history, she loves a good story, and she knows where all the bodies are buried. She's always traveling with her thieves'—ahem, her archaeologist tools, and she is definitely 100% not a thief. Just for the record.
Anna: Jessica?
Jessica: Hi. I'm Jessica Lynn Parsons, and I'm playing Henrietta Elmwood. And Henri is a druid. She grew up rich, and she ventured outside of her family's manor to look at flowers and gather herbs. And as she did that, her druid magic grew. And Isabel and her, I imagine, are probably buddies.
Rebecca: I think so.
Jessica: Because after she began to catch some attention from people because her natural remedies seemed to be quite magical and would cure any ailment, the London Biologic Institute of Arcana sponsored her to travel the world to further her research. So Isabel and her probably linked up at some point. Ranger, druid, makes sense. And Henri is just one of those chicks who looks great in a dress and a full face of makeup and also can get down and dirty in the mud.
Alexis: Yes. I love it.
Anna: In lieu of having you guys meet at a tavern and get drunk together, which is the classic party formation, Jessica already did a lot of work in that respect.
Anna: So you guys have been working together for a while, and that's why the letter writer knew to send you the letter. You have a lot of expertise and a lot of experience and a lot of weapons. And yeah. So you are at the gate to the Herbarium, and it is, as I said, the sun is setting. Dusk is gathering. What do you do?
Jessica: "Well, Isabel, Bones, Freddy, I think it's time we need to park the carriage and see what all of this fuss is about."
Alexis: "Yes, yes, I do agree, although I think I should have a quick look around just to see if there are any shady characters. I mean, besides me, of course."
Jessica: "Right, right, put on the blinders."
Alexis: I, if I'm allowed to, wanna just do a Perception check. Just around the gates, make sure no one's following us as we slip in. Am I allowed to do that?
Anna: Yeah. Roll Perception.
Alexis: All right. Let's see. A 16 + 4. All right, I can do math. 20. 20. A dirty 20.
Jessica: Dirty 20.
Leila: Percepting the hell outta this place.
Alexis: Yeah, and it's gonna turn out to be like, "There's a bush, and it's very windy, so it's blowing in the wind."
Anna: Well, so with a dirty 20, you can see that obviously there are people coming into the Gardens. Sorry. The Herbarium is inside the Gardens. It's one of the locations. So you can see people coming in, and as I said, they look like they're ready to party. And you can see them entering into the gate, but it is pretty shadowy back behind there, so you don't really see where they're going.
Anna: And with your dirty 20, you can see just inside the gate a ways, maybe a few hundred yards, you can see the lights from what looks like a greenhouse ahead of you sort of glimmering in the gloom, but you don't see any more people that far in. And you also see that there are some bushes and other flora sort of edging the side of this path that leads into the garden. And in fact it is not windy, but they are—maybe it's just the light playing tricks on you, but they're kind of moving a little. Maybe. You're not sure.
Alexis: Oh. Okay. Okay. So I give y'all all that scoop, and I say, "Let us all keep our wits about us, and also let's keep an eye on those bushes 'cause I don't know if it's just me, but it seems like they're moving a little bit. I don't know. Someone else should take a look. Just we should watch our backs."
Leila: So Freddy's listening to what Bones is saying, but she's also really close to the ground, like her nose is really close to the ground. She's looking for something. She's looking for three rocks that she can keep. Can she take some, or does she need to do a Perception?
Anna: I mean, are they special rocks?
Leila: They are just rocks. She's just looking for some rocks.
Anna: You can pick up some rocks.
Leila: Just checking. So she picks up three, and she kinda puts them in her hand, looks at them really closely, blows on them, clean them off, and then tucks them quickly in her pocket.
Jessica: "Quick question. I'm not sure why we didn't address this earlier, but who is this 'M.S.'? Does anyone know this person? No?"
Rebecca: "I can't say that I've come across anyone with such initials on my travels. I once knew a Morgan Smith, but I don't believe that he would be up to this sort of deception."
Jessica: "Could be a mademoiselle as well. Mademoiselle S."
Alexis: "That's true. I mean, that's very true. The thought has never crossed my mind."
Leila: "I'm gonna guess a mademoiselle, from the flowery script."
Jessica: "A handwriting expert. Glad to have you on board."
Alexis: "I'm used to getting anonymous letters from people in my line of work, so this really doesn't concern me. I think it's fine, honestly."
Rebecca: "Bones, what exactly is your line of work?"
Alexis: "Archaeology, of course. I don't know why you would ask that."
Rebecca: "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I can't say that I have met many archaeologists who receive letters from anonymous sources."
Alexis: "Well, I am very advanced in the field of archaeology, and so my experiences are probably different from others'. Moving on, bushes. Should we go in?"
Rebecca: "We should look at the bushes."
Jessica: "I say we should walk in and appear to be the least suspicious-looking as possible since we want to sort of get information without anyone knowing exactly why we're here. So, look, we're just a bunch of friends, right? We're here to have a good time and enjoy the gala. And, yes, I think we should keep our eyes peeled for anything extraordinary on our way in."
Alexis: "Don't be suspicious. Don't be suspicious."
Anna: The path ahead of you is pretty narrow, so you could walk single file, or you could walk two abreast. But either way let me know what your marching order is.
Jessica: We can't walk four people wide down the path?
Anna: Also I thought you were trying to fly casual.
Rebecca: Okay. I'm going to link arms with Henrietta and go through like we are going to a lovely party. So yes. Isabel and Henrietta link arms and go in giggling.
Anna: Okay. And then Freddy and Bones behind?
Leila: Yes.
Jessica: Quick question.
Anna: Yeah?
Jessica: Do we all look like we have proper gala attire on? 'Cause I know I do, but I don't know. I mean, Bones, you're acting kinda sketchy over there. Do you have gala attire on?
Alexis: You know what? Actually, I feel like Bones is wearing gala attire, but it's very dark, and as I walk, you sort of see a quick flash under my skirt, just the way that I move, that makes you think that maybe underneath I'm wearing a pair of pantaloons. So yeah. I'm prepared for any and all situations.
Leila: And Freddy's wearing—you can tell that she really tried to dress for a gala, but she's also used to living underground with a bunch of artificers, and we're used to being all dirty and stuff. And so you can tell that she really tried her best, but she still has dirt smudges on her nose and on her chin. And her fingernails, there's dirt and dark oil stuff all around the cuticle. She really tried, but, I mean, this is the best she can do.
Alexis: Good effort. Good effort.
Rebecca: Isabel looks like she belongs, but it's a little bit on the simpler side, a little fewer ruffles. It's very classy and understated, but less likely to get caught in stuff and a little bit more comfortable, maybe, than your average fancy dress, but is still more or less on the lines of appropriate dress for this occasion.
Alexis: Nice.
Anna: As you pass through the gate into the garden, you see that greenhouse that, Alexis, you noticed before is at the end of the path ahead of you, and there is sort of very thick foliage on either side of the path, like ground cover type of foliage rather than trees. Now that you're inside, you can see that maybe it just was the light playing tricks on you. You don't really see anything moving and it's not windy, so you're not really sure what all that was about.
Anna: But you all do notice that as soon as you go through this gate, all of the voices of the people on the street and the clatter of carriage wheels on cobblestones and the sounds of people kind of packing up their stuff for the day and heading home, all of that just fades, and it is extremely quiet. And there's no one else here, even though you definitely saw people go through the gate on their way to the party. But you don't see anyone now.
Alexis: What?
Jessica: "Strangely quiet."
Rebecca: "Where'd the party go?"
Alexis: "I'm not sure, but I don't like how quiet it is. Is anyone else a little nervous?"
Leila: Yeah. Can I roll an Investigation check to see what might be blocking out the noise from everywhere else?
Anna: Yeah. What are you investigating? If you're just looking around, that would be more Perception, I think, but if you're looking at something specific.
Leila: Yeah. I'm gonna look around the doorframe where we just came in, like just kind of look. I got a 15.
Anna: You can see that, very faintly on these stone columns on the inside—you're inside now, turned around looking back at the sort of back at the column—you can see that there are some very faint carvings in the stone, but you can't make them out.
Leila: Oh, okay. Then I'm gonna draw everyone's attention to it.
Jessica: I'll roll an Arcana check. Oh, bad. 10.
Anna: I mean, you see the carvings because Freddy pointed them out, but you don't really have a sense of what they are.
Jessica: "Looks like they could be magical. They could also not be magical. That's my assessment. That's my assessment."
Alexis: "That's good. Good. Very good."
Jessica: "I say we should just go in the greenhouse and gather some information, and we can have a gander about outside afterwards."
Alexis: "Onwards," I say from the back of the line, 100% not the first person.
Anna: You walk up the path, and you approach a very elegant greenhouse with a sort of main large atrium and then two additional wings, one on either side. It's completely enclosed in large panes of glass that are kind of held together with a metal frame.
Anna: And from the outside you can see that there are plants from floor to ceiling the whole length of the building. It's stuffed full of plants. And there's sort of a misty condensation on the windows. In front of you, sort of at the end of the path, is a set of double doors leading into the greenhouse. You gonna go in?
Rebecca: Before we go in, I want to see if I recognize, from out here, I can tell what any of the plants are.
Anna: You're gonna make a Nature check. Roll a d20 and add 4.
Rebecca: Cool. 14.
Anna: Not bad. You can see, just sort of taking in the condensation on the glass and some of the plants that are closer, their leaves are kind of pressed up against the glass, and you can kind of get a feel for it. The plants inside are temperate zone plants. And even though you made a Nature check, you do also see next to the door, kind of settled in behind some of the outside greenery, is a sign that says "Temperate House."
Rebecca: Excellent. The sign is correct. You never know. As a museum professional, signage is often incorrect. Sorry. Side note from Rebecca. So, yes, I notice the sign, but I also take a moment to look inside and make sure that that seems to be the case. Clearly things tonight, nothing has been what it seems so far.
Anna: Fair. Fair enough.
Rebecca: So no reason to trust silly signage. And I just say, "That's a very interesting collection of uninteresting plants to have in a greenhouse."
Jessica: "Well, I'm excited anyhow."
Leila: The door's open? It's not locked?
Anna: Yeah, it's unlocked.
Leila: Okay. Then Freddy's gonna open it and go inside.
Anna: And you can see, now that you're inside, there's, like I said, Isabel identified some deciduous trees. There's also certain kinds of climbing plants and vines that are scaling the trees up toward the glass ceiling of the greenhouse. There's some things with thorns. There are some things with big, broad leaves. Couple of things that have these cool air roots that kind of wrap around struts of the greenhouse so they can climb to the top.
Anna: And you note that the inside of it is all open, so there's no doors between the main atrium and the wings. It's just one big open space full of plants. The floor is made of mud and dirt, dirt floor. And you can see that there is a path that just sort of goes straight through the greenhouse, through the middle out to the other side. And there's a door at the other end.
Alexis: Oh, wait, you said it's a mud floor?
Anna: Mm-hmm.
Alexis: Can I look and see if there are any other footprints that have gone through here?
Anna: Roll Investigation.
Alexis: Okay. Let's investigate. Ooh. Okay. 18.
Anna: That's good. You come from the back of the party like, "Wait a second." You sort of start moving around through the kind of lower-canopy plants looking at this earthen floor very carefully. And at the base of one of the big trees that goes up to the main roof, you can see—it's not footprints, but you see that the floor is disturbed a little bit. It almost looks like—you got 18, right?
Alexis: Yeah.
Anna: Yeah. It looks like there's something pushing up the dirt from underneath.
Alexis: Oh. Oh. Okay. So yeah. So I point all of this out, and I say, "Ladies, I can't help but notice over here a little disturbance. I think something is hidden from our view, and we should take a closer look at it. I can't quite tell what is—I don't know what's pushing up this dirt over here.
Jessica: "A trapdoor? How exciting. I love parties."
Alexis: This is exactly the kinda ladies we are. We're like, "Yes! There might be a trapdoor."
Rebecca: "Cool."
Jessica: So yeah. I'd like to maybe pull out some gardener tools that I would have hidden under my skirts and maybe a little spade or something and try to wedge it underneath and pop it up to see what it is.
Anna: Okay. So you get out a spade and start kind of digging around under this little sort of pushed-up part of earth, and you find something odd. You see buried under the sort of loose dirt at the top what looks like a lock of hair, but it's gray and it's very curly.
Anna: And as you're doing this, all of a sudden you see the earth around this area become even more disturbed. And something is now actively pushing its way up from under this dirt, and there's a rumbling under your feet. Three other sort of piles start emerging from the earth, and as they start coming up, you hear just kind of a clacking, kind of scraping sound, and you see all of these piles have this hair on them, this strange curly hair. And then all of a sudden the one in front of you, Henri, dirt sort of explodes out from the mound, and you see a skull. And it's wearing a very fancy wig.
Alexis: What?
Anna: And four skeletons wearing wigs start reaching their hands up out of the dirt and pushing themselves out of the dirt. And you see that they're wearing very fine—but dirty, obviously muddy—embroidered frock coats of an old-fashioned style. And they sort of start climbing out of the ground, and I would like all of you to please roll for initiative.
Alexis: Dang. It's on and poppin'. Wow.
Jessica: Oh, my God. I'm rolling terribly.
Alexis: Yeah, so did I, 7.
Rebecca: 19.
Anna: Holy shit.
Jessica: Wow, she's ready.
Alexis: Comin' in hot.
Anna: Isabel got 19. Bones got a 7. Sorry, Bones.
Leila: Freddy got a 11.
Jessica: Henri also got an 11.
Alexis: Let's get this fight.
Anna: Okay, Rebecca. Or sorry, Isabel. You are first in the order.
Rebecca: Yes. Yes. So there are these skeletons, and one of them has popped up right in front of Henri, so I step forward, and I pull my ice axe that is strapped to my back behind my dress and pull it out, Wonder Woman style, and swing it at this particular skeleton.
Anna: Okay. Roll it.
Rebecca: 16.
Anna: Yeah, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage.
Rebecca: 10.
Jessica: Holy shit.
Alexis: Holy cow.
Anna: So the skeleton explodes on contact.
Leila: Yes!
Anna: So you run up next to Henri, and you get your ice axe out, and you just bring it out on the skeleton's bewigged skull. And it just goes straight through his skull, down through his clavicle. The ribs just go like, "Pfft," like this. And it's pretty gruesome. He's mostly legs now, and he's just sort of staggering around. And he's still trying to be fancy. It's really quite upsetting, actually.
Leila: This is a very undignifying—
Alexis: Yeah. It's so undignified.
Rebecca: In fact, Isabel notes, "That is very undignified."
Anna: Oh, no, it's the skele-boys' turn.
Leila: I don't like this.
Anna: Okay. So the one skeleton that popped up right in front of Henri is not dead, but not really a threat anymore, just sort of missing kind of the top part of its whole situation and just kind of staggering around. It's kind of awful.
Anna: So to the right of Henri, there is one skeleton, and to her left there are two others. So there's three remaining. So the one to the right of Henri is going to step forward and swing his garbage-y little short sword in Henri's direction.
Alexis: Honestly? Rude. Rude.
Anna: It's rusty and covered in mud and chipped and stuff. I mean, it's a skeleton. It's 15.
Jessica: 15 does hit.
Anna: You are gonna take 6 points of piercing damage.
Jessica: "How dare you?"
Anna: He swings his sword at you and whacks you on the shoulder pretty hard. It hurts.
Jessica: "Not okay."
Alexis: I don't like it.
Anna: That means it's Freddy's turn.
Leila: Okay. There is the three left and then the one just rambling around on its legs?
Anna: Yeah.
Leila: Okay. I'm going to pull out the three stones that I gathered before. And I'm gonna hold them in my hand, and I'm going to whisper an incantation, and I'm gonna cast Magic Stone on them. I'm going to hurl one of them at I guess just the next closest skellington to me.
Anna: Okay. We'll say that's the first one to the left of Henri.
Leila: Okay. So I'm going to make a ranged spell attack, which would be a 17. Does that hit?
Anna: Oh, yeah. That super hits.
Leila: And this guy is going to take 8 points of damage.
Alexis: Oh, my God.
Anna: Okay. What does the rock look like when you magic it? Does it still just look like a rock?
Leila: There's not instructions about that, but I am going to say that it glows a lovely violet color as I speak magic into it.
Anna: You throw this little rock at the skeleton, and it hits him in the chest, and he kind of looks down, and a lovely purpley-lavendery glow starts spreading around his chest, and he starts shuddering. And some of the bones of his fingers just sort of fall off. And you see ribs kind of dropping out from under the frock coat, and he's just sort of crumbling a little bit.
Alexis: "This is what he deserves."
Anna: Yeah. He is in a similar state to the other one. Henri, it's your turn.
Jessica: "Oh, no you don't!" And I'm going to cast Spike Growth, which I'll kind of take the existing plant life around me in the greenhouse and pull them into twists and hard spikes and thorns around the skeletons. And the area will become difficult terrain for the next 10 minutes. And so I guess on their turn, if they move they will take 2d4 piercing damage for every 5 feet they travel. I would like to get out of melee. Is that gonna provoke an opportunity attack?
Anna: Well, no, 'cause they're entangled.
Jessica: Cool. "Okay, plants, do your best work." And get back.
Anna: Okay. You're out of melee range of the skeletons.
Jessica: Yeah. Trying to avoid ripping my dress.
Anna: Okay. Bones, it is your turn.
Alexis: All right. So Bones is nonplussed by this. In her line of work, she encounters a lot of skeletons, and they're not always happy to see her. So she also has weapons strapped to her back. She whips out a crossbow. She turns, and she's aiming for the skeleton that—I guess the only skeleton that hasn't been attacked?
Anna: Yes. There's one at the far left.
Jessica: Well, the spike growth is in a 20-foot radius, so it should catch all of the skellies, but they haven't been hurt yet.
Anna: Wouldn't that catch everybody else, though?
Jessica: Well, I centered it on range that would avoid my comrades.
Anna: Isabel was still in melee range of the one.
Jessica: Oh. Okay, well, in that case, well, I already cast it. I would have also said, "Isabel, don't move!"
Anna: Okay. You've got plants kind of crawling all around you. And they're not hurting you, but they are keeping you in place. And if you move, they will hurt you.
Alexis: Okay. All right. All right. Well, we'll see what we can do about it. Yeah. So Bones whips out her crossbow, and she says, "Ugh, not today," and she fires—whoa. She fires said crossbow. Natural 20, baby! Bones is comin' in hot, okay?
Jessica: "Get 'em, Bones!"
Alexis: Yeah. So I fire that crossbow, and I also, because I am a roguish type figure, after I fire that crossbow, I use my Cunning Action to disengage, to sort of step back outta the—just even further away from the plants, sort of seeing what's going on.
Anna: Did you roll damage on your crossbow?
Alexis: Oh, yeah, lemme roll damage on that. So 12 damage.
Anna: Yeah. The skeleton basically explodes.
Alexis: That's all I've ever wanted.
Anna: Yeah, when the crossbow bolt hits him. It's like the explosion is of such force that it just shreds his frock coat. His wig goes flying and lands behind him in the branches of a tree. Okay. So all you can see is one skeleton arm waving around in this mass of plants that Henri has conjured to hold them there. And it's just kind of flopping around.
Alexis: I say, "Take that."
Anna: We're back to the top of the order. Isabel, it's your turn. You have basically just pieces of skeletons left that are entangled, and just so you know what your situation is, if you move, you will take damage from the plants. If the skeletons try to move, they will be basically killed by the plants. So you don't even really have to do anything.
Rebecca: I think that I am just gonna hang out and be like, "Okay, finish 'em off, girls."
Jessica: As the thorns are reaching up around your ankles, I'm like, "Oh, stop that! Don't touch her. Don't. Not her."
Anna: Okay. It's the skellies' turn. What is the sort of passive damage on this, Henri?
Jessica: If they move, they will take 2d4 piercing for every 5 feet they travel. So how dumb are they?
Anna: Okay. Well, most of them are just animated chunks of bones now. They don't even have skulls. They are all three going to try to advance. So will you roll three damages for me?
Jessica: Damage? I'd love to. So 2d4 for each one? They're gonna move 5 feet?
Anna: Yeah. They're just gonna start heading toward you to try to get out of the plant situation.
Jessica: Woo. That is 7 on the first one, 5 on the next one, and 4 on the third one.
Anna: That takes them all out.
Alexis: Yes! Way to go!
Jessica: "Good job! Good job, ladies!"
Leila: Freddy's gonna stand there, and she's gonna look at them, and she's gonna say, "Dust to dust, motherfuckers."
Jessica: "Freddy!"
Anna: That's exactly what happens. They sort of start to try to wriggle out of the plants, and the plants just sort of twist around them and just kind of pull taut and just, poof, pulverize the skeletons.
Jessica: I'll drop the concentration on that so Isabel can move.
Anna: All that remains are the shreds of the fancy frock coats. One wig is in the tree. The other two are on the ground. You have defeated my skellingtons.
Alexis: I dust myself off and say, "Well, this is gonna be an interesting adventure."
Leila: Can Freddy go get that wig that flew off?
Alexis: Yes, honey.
Jessica: Yeah, get all of 'em.
Leila: Freddy's gonna go get that wig and wear it.
Alexis: Yes!
Rebecca: Do it.
Anna: Somebody gonna Prestidigitation that and get the dirt off? It looks rough.
Jessica: I would if I had it. "Freddy, that's a bit morbid, don't you think?"
Leila: She's gonna be fluffing it up, tryin' to make it look real nice. And she's gonna be like, "Is it?"
Jessica: "Literally, that was literally just on a buried skeleton."
Leila: "Just don't tell anyone."
Anna: There's dirt and twigs kind of streaming out of it as you're fluffing it.
Rebecca: "I think they'll notice."
Jessica: "Ugh, she's been living underground. It's fine."
Leila: I just shrug. I'm like, "You know what? They're dead. They can't use it."
Jessica: "Bones, you barely even reacted to this situation. You seem like you've been around this sort of thing before."
Alexis: "Well, as an archaeologist, occasionally I find myself in tombs where the residents are not always pleased to see me. So I come prepared. Ladies, I say we keep our wits about us."
Jessica: "Agreed." I'd like to just do kind of a general Arcana or Investigation check on the area to see why these skeletons were buried here. Or this trap—I guess it wasn't a trapdoor, but why they're in this area, the compartment that they were in or buried there.
Anna: Yeah. Roll it.
Jessica: Let's see. I can roll either or, Arcana or Investigation?
Anna: Yeah. Whichever.
Jessica: Let's see what's better. Oh, they're the same. I will roll. Oh, that's better. That was a natural 20! Yes! Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. I love you.
Alexis: Bringin' in the 20.
Jessica: Like how old they were, maybe, or like how long ago they were buried or why they have the wigs.
Anna: Yeah. You can tell, looking at the sort of remains of their clothing, that it's sort of nobleman's clothing from the 18th century. So these dudes have been dead for quite a while now, the wigs and stuff.
Anna: One of the wigs you see, now that you can kind of get a better look at it and it's not atop a skeleton that was trying to kill you, you can see that one of these wigs wasn't the sort of gray that you saw the other ones, but it was actually a very beautiful sort of pale auburn gold color.
Jessica: Does Freddy want that one?
Leila: Is that the one Freddy's wearing?
Anna: Yeah, that's the one Freddy's wearing 'cause as Freddy kind of shook the dirt out of it, you can see that that one is different. And now that Freddy's wearing it, it's like you have this sense of—it looks very familiar to you.
Anna: You think you've probably seen this wig in a painting before, but maybe you're not 100% sure who it is, but it definitely looks like the wig of someone you've seen in a portrait somewhere, but you can't really place it. There's something very familiar about it, though.
Leila: Can I roll a History check on myself to see myself in this wig?
Anna: Yes. It's getting dark outside, so you can—
Leila: I can look in the glass, right?
Anna: Yeah, you can look in the glass and have a glance at yourself.
Leila: That's gonna be a 14.
Anna: I will send you an image of what you remember when you look in the mirror.
Leila: "Sir Isaac Newton!”
Rebecca: I don't know what it says, guys, that I know Sir Isaac Newton by sight.
Leila: Which for Freddy, being an alchemist, is very into this and will never take off this wig ever.
Leila: Now feeling just invigorated with the spirit of Isaac Newton through his wig, I'll say, "Shall we continue?"
Jessica: "Are you going to wear that wig into the gala?"
Leila: "Yes."
Rebecca: "We will no longer be blending in. That's for certain."
Alexis: "I think that was doubtful. Our chances of that were already pretty low, ladies."
Leila: "I think that's probably true."
Jessica: I'll just try to comb it out the best I can with my fingers, trying to make her look a little more like a lady. Lost cause. "There you go. That's a bit better. All right. Shall we?"
***
Leila: Hi, all. This is Freddy, your friendly neighborhood alchemist, and I hope you're enjoying part one of Herbarium Heist. The special episode is part of our spring pledge drive on Patreon. From April 20th through 27th, we are asking you to help us raise our rates for writers and editors. Our current rate for writers is $100, and we would really like to double that rate to $200 in order to pay writers a more competitive rate for their fantastic and thoughtful work. We are entirely reader- and listener-supported, so we can only do this with your help.
Leila: And if you make a monthly pledge during our pledge drive, you will receive a thank-you postcard with a map of Kew Gardens adapted for this role-playing campaign and illustrated by our very own co-editor-in-chief, Anna Reser. So head on over to our Patreon, patreon.com/ladyscience, to make a pledge now. Please spread the word, share these special episodes with your family and friends. All of this helps Lady Science grow. And now back to Herbarium Heist.
***
Anna: You're leaving the greenhouse.
Leila: Yep.
Jessica: Through the other side, right? Through going beyond? Okay.
Rebecca: Yeah.
Anna: So you exit the greenhouse, and there's lots of plant life everywhere. That'll always be the case. But here on the back side of the greenhouse, it's more like a meadow, and there are tall grasses and wildflowers.
Anna: And there is a narrow path that winds through the meadow from the back of the greenhouse, and it just sort of twists off to your left, and then you kind of can't see where it goes because of the grasses and stuff are obscuring the direction of the path. But there isn't another path. There's just one that leads away from the greenhouse.
Alexis: Are we gettin' the general idea that this is where people are going?
Anna: You haven't seen any people since you entered the garden, and you haven't heard them.
Alexis: Okay. So not suspicious at all.
Jessica: "Well, let's remember the letter. M. S. said that they will await us at the servants' entrance to the Herbarium near the river. So maybe we should make our ways towards the river."
Alexis: "I think that's a good plan."
Jessica: "Isabel, do you think you could tell where the river might be, what direction? Can you hear it or smell it? I don't know."
Rebecca: "Let me investigate."
Anna: Or you could make a Survival check.
Rebecca: Yeah. I'll do a Survival check. Yes. Sorry, I meant investigate metaphorically.
Anna: Yeah, you're fine.
Jessica: Oh, I was looking at the wrong sheet.
Alexis: "Let me do a metaphorical investigation."
Rebecca: But, yes, let me Survival check.
Jessica: Oh, can I help her? I'll just help her by—I'll walk off in a kind of opposite direction of her to lend my ear and nose to figuring out where this river is. If you wanna roll at advantage, Isabel.
Anna: Yeah. Roll is again.
Rebecca: I got 9 that time.
Jessica: Aw, I made it worse! My perfume is too strong!
Anna: Yeah. You can't really point a direction toward the river. I mean, you smell water, but also the garden is full of water, so it's not something that you can really pinpoint.
Rebecca: "Well, I suppose al we can do is continue down this path."
Anna: Okay. So you walk down the path leading away from the greenhouse, and you can hear little sort of evening insects chirping and clicking and peeping from the grasses and wildflowers to either side of the path. And you follow the path 10 minutes or so.
Anna: You can see in the distance a stand of trees, and there's some light in the trees. And you can't really make out what it is, but you can see there's kinda light coming from inside this kind of grove of pine trees that is rising up at the edge of the meadow the path is going through.
Jessica: "Maybe this is the party."
Rebecca: "Still don't hear much of a party."
Jessica: "Right. There's no general merriment coming through the trees there. It's just a bit of odd light."
Alexis: "I think we should perhaps take a closer look, but let's keep to the shadows and keep a very low profile so whatever the light is in those trees doesn't notice us."
Jessica: Shall we roll for Stealth?
Alexis: Yes, I think we shall.
Anna: Yeah. Everybody roll me Stealth, please.
Leila: 19.
Jessica: Ooh, I rolled terribly.
Alexis: Yeah, 18.
Jessica: Oh, boy. I rolled a 2, so sorry.
Alexis: So not your strength.
Rebecca: 18 for me as well.
Jessica: Stealth is not my strong suit.
Anna: What did you roll, Rebecca?
Rebecca: 18.
Anna: Oh. Wow, Henri.
Jessica: Wearing a lot of jewelry. "La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Plants, hello, I'm here."
Anna: Yeah. Everybody else just sort of melts off of the path into the meadow and just sort of makes for the tree line very quietly, and you look like you're sneaking, but you're walking up the path. You're doing it very sneakily, but you're just walking directly into the grove of trees.
Jessica: "Where is everyone? You're really good at this. Hello?"
Rebecca: "Henri—" I'm hissing at her. "Henri, over here."
Jessica: "Where? Where are you? I can't see. You're so good at this."
Alexis: "It's not sneaky if we keep whispering at her."
Jessica: All right. So we're making our way, and I am not stealthy, walkin' in the middle of the path.
Rebecca: You tried.
Alexis: You tried.
Anna: You all sort of merge into the trees. You're kind of spread out now to either side of Henri, who is walking on the path. And it's darker in here. The sun is still going down, but now it's quite shady and cool under these trees.
Anna: And now that you're inside the tree line, you can see ahead of you where the path is leading is to a little cottage in the sort of center of this grove of trees, and you can see there's warm gold light kind of pouring out of all of the windows. It's a little two-story cottage, and there's smoke coming out of the chimney.
Anna: And somewhere along the roof line on the left side of it, you can see light kind of emerging from the top of the roof, and you can see between the trees a kind of something reflective, kind of goldish glimmer there at the top of the roof. That's what you see from where you are.
Rebecca: Very interesting.
Alexis: Very interesting.
Rebecca: Do there seem to be any people inside? Like are there any shadows or anything that would indicate anything inside?
Anna: You can't tell from where you are.
Leila: Freddy wants to stealth up to the window and look inside.
Anna: Okay. Roll it.
Leila: A 13.
Anna: You get all the way up to the window, and you do step on a twig. And it is pretty loud.
Jessica: "Oh, there you are! Hi! How'd you get way up there? Where are the other two?"
Anna: And you sort of put your nose up to the glass of the first-floor window and peer inside. And you see a dining table with a teacup and some papers on it, and off to the side you can see a sofa and a couple of old sort of tatty armchairs around the fireplace, but that's kind of all you can see from that angle. You don't see anybody.
Leila: "Well, it looks like someone lives here. Maybe we can ask them where the party is."
Jessica: "That's a really good idea. The other two, I hope they're okay. Maybe they went around back."
Leila: "That's a plan. We'll go around the front, and they can go around the back.
Alexis: Yeah. Bones is not ready to reveal her position just yet. Bones, in her line of work, is used to being very sneaky for long periods of time, and Bones does not appreciate being caught off guard. So, yeah, Bones kinda wants to stealth around the side of the cottage just to kinda see if there's other windows to peer in. She's tryin' to get a sense if there's somebody in the house in one of the rooms that we can't see.
Anna: I was just gonna say you can look around the house, and you don't see anybody on the first floor.
Alexis: Okay. Bones has something called Second-Story Work where climbing is—listen.
Jessica: Time to break out those pantaloons.
Alexis: Yeah. Yeah. Truly. She takes her skirt, lifts it, rolls it, and tucks it in so she's got her pantaloons on. And she wants to see if she can just sort of leap and climb up to the second story and peek in those windows and see what's goin' on because you gave me the power.
Jessica: Uh-oh. DM is laughing.
Anna: Just this is a very good image. I love this game because no one ever does what you expect them to do.
Alexis: No. No. Never.
Anna: This is very perfunctory, but make an Athletics check.
Alexis: Okay. A dirty 20.
Anna: All right. Yeah. You very quietly and very sneakily and very thiefily jump up, grab the bottom of the windowsill of the second-story window, and just sort of pull yourself up and peek over it. And inside you see that the second story is all one room. And at the very far end of the room, you can see some kind of mechanical apparatus. You can see a big wheel and some gears and stuff. And in front of that, you see a sort of big sort of drafting table style of desk.
Anna: And at that desk, you see a extremely old woman who is hunched over the desk writing in a book that is laying open on the desk. And there is some candles and lamps around lighting up the room. And the rest of the room is full of books and big, rolled charts or maps or something. You can't see. A couple of other tables that are stacked with books and maybe some leather cases, like instrument cases. Some things like that. And so you see this very old woman working by candlelight writing something [unclear 01:02:26].
Alexis: Whoa. I love an old woman who can't be trusted. Yes. Yes.
Leila: I thought you were just gonna leave it at "I love an old woman."
Alexis: Yeah. I love an old woman. Yeah. I wanna slowly and quietly lower myself back down and go meet up with the rest of the ladies and give them the scoop.
Rebecca: As Bones comes up to the others, I finally sneak out of the trees and come towards them and go, "Boo!" And then I laugh hysterically.
Jessica: "Isabel! Not so funny."
Rebecca: "This is fun."
Leila: Freddy's wig jumped off her head just in a very cartoonish way because she was so scared, and now it's askew.
Rebecca: "Love a good party. Love a good adventure party."
Alexis: Oh, I gently adjust your wig, and I am like, "Ladies, we do have company upstairs on the second floor. So there is someone in the cottage. Not sure if we can trust her. She appears to be a little old lady, and right now she's working diligently, writing in some notebook." And I sort of describe the wheels and all of that kinda stuff that I saw up there.
Jessica: "M. S. said in her—his?—letter, their letter, that they want assistance in procuring a rare tome in which contained the answers to this mystery. So, I mean, while this journal or whatever she's writing in might not be this rare tome, she could have information on this."
Alexis: "We should. Who among us is good at peopling?"
Leila: "I've been living underground for 20 years, but I can give it a shot."
Rebecca: Yeah, you have bad charisma.
Alexis: "Okay. Okay. Before we go with that—thank you, thank you for volunteering—anyone else good with people?"
Anna: You guys all have terrible charisma.
Alexis: That's why I was like, "Someone who isn't me does all that."
Rebecca: Yeah. Someone. Yep. Nope.
Jessica: "You know what we should do? All of us seem to have particular strengths, right? And this woman, we should just go in together, be amenable, and sort of read the room. You know, is she a bit spookier? Then perhaps Bones could talk to her. Is she kind of wacky and loves wigs? Freddy, you're the one. Otherwise I can take it."
Leila: It's all comin' up Freddy, baby.
Alexis: I like this plan.
Jessica: "I say between the four of us, one of us'll be able to relate to this old woman."
Alexis: "Agreed. Wise course of action."
Rebecca: "I mean, to be fair, much like us, if she is an old woman who is very focused on her studies, then perhaps she just has unusual interests and will recognize someone of similar unusualness."
Leila: "Also she's old. I think we can take her." Freddy goes and knocks on the door.
Anna: You hear a very faint thunk that sounds like it came from deep inside the house, and then you hear what I'm gonna call some exasperated footsteps coming down a wooden staircase.
Alexis: Okay. Sounds like one of us.
Anna: And all of a sudden, the door swings wide, and the old woman that Bones saw upstairs is standing in front of you. She's wearing a black gown with a very sort of severely starched collar, your sort of typical old lady of the past kind of outfit.
Jessica: Typical. [Unclear 01:06:55].
Anna: She looks mad. She opens the door, and she looks at all of you, and she just says, "What?"
Leila: "Uh, can we come in?"
Anna: "Come in?"
Jessica: I put my thumbs up. "Yeah, good."
Anna: "Who are you, and why are you knocking on my door at this late hour? I'm working.
Alexis: I suddenly remember that my skirt is still tucked into my pantaloons, so I untuck it and smooth it down and clear my throat. And I said, "Well, not to disturb you or alarm you, ma'am. We're just out here doing a perimeter check and making sure that everything's okay. We've heard some disturbances, and we just wanna make sure that you are safe." But my eyes are wide as saucers as I'm saying this.
Leila: And Freddy looks at her and just starts winking. Just winking continuously. It's like, "Yes, this is it. This is it."
Rebecca: Isabel steps forward to make another attempt and says, "Are you aware that there are some skeletons in your greenhouse? Well, there aren't any anymore, but there were. Sorry about that."
Jessica: And I'll step up and say, "Are you going to the gala later? Meet you there. But could we perhaps come in for a cuppa beforehand?"
Anna: Well, I was gonna have you guys do an encounter here, but I think she's just gonna shut the door in your face. No, no, no. She's not.
Alexis: Honestly, we would deserve that.
Anna: She just sort of looks at all of you and is slightly overwhelmed by your overwhelming manner.
Jessica: People skills.
Anna: And she looks at you, Henri, and she says, "Of course I'm not going to the gala. For one thing, I'm working, and for another thing, it's just a bunch of foppish fancy boys getting drunk, and I'm busy. I would never go to such a thing."
Jessica: "Well, as far as I was aware—I could be wrong—all the most famous scientists will be gathering at the Herbarium tonight. Are you not a scientific woman?"
Anna: "Famous scientists? You mean men!"
Jessica: "Might I ask your name, madam?"
Anna: "I suppose you might, if you must. It's Caroline Herschel, and you really are disturbing my work. What is it that you want?"
Alexis: Bones gasps and says, "Astronomy. Your work. Oh, so the equipment upstairs, that's for—I mean, not that I saw the equipment upstairs, but I can't believe—it's an honor. It's really an honor."
Anna: She does look swayed by that, but she doesn't want to admit it. She's just like, "Well, I was about to make some tea anyway. You better come inside." She beckons you inside and starts setting about making tea. And she says, "What are you doing here, then? You're a long way from the gala, if that's your goal. How did you get stuck here?"
Jessica: "I think we just went the wrong way."
Anna: She sets down a tray of tea, and she puts her hands on the table, and she looks at all of you very severely in turn, taking in your accoutrements and your whole setup and your wig and your dirty fingernails. And she says, "You don't have an invitation, do you?"
Alexis: "I mean, define 'invitation.'"
Leila: "No, we don't."
Rebecca: "We have an invitation, but it may or may not be to the gala specifically."
Anna: "Indeed. Let me see what it is you have."
Leila: Freddy pulls out the letter. And it's got nasty stain marks from her fingers all over it.
Anna: She says "Yuck" and takes it from you.
Alexis: She's so disappointed.
Anna: She opens the little rolled up note. And she reads it, and she looks at all of you, and she says, "Who are you?"
Jessica: "Uh, I'm a botanist. Um, my name is Henrietta."
Anna: "What about you? What about you? You're some kind of miner or laborer? You're awfully dirty."
Leila: "I am an alchemist."
Anna: "And I suppose the two of you are also lady scientists of some kind?"
Alexis: "Bones. I'm an archaeologist. Only archaeology, which is my interest and passion and work."
Rebecca: "It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Herschel. I am Isabel McPherson, and I am a naturalist and world traveler."
Anna: "Interesting. And you're going to this gala for which you do not have an invitation." She hands it back to you. "For what reason, then?"
Jessica: "Well, as you can see, it's of a very grave matter. Obviously you are aware of the cholera epidemic that's been happening in London, and we seem to think that there's something darker and arcane happening because it doesn't seem to have affected
the inner circles of London. And as scientists and as functioning members of the Society who have a greater interest in the good of all people, we think it is our responsibility—"
Anna: "Oh, my goodness. My goodness, darling. All right. You know what? I understand," she says.
Jessica: I'll abashedly take a sip of my tea.
Anna: "Well, you'd better come upstairs." She says, "You better come upstairs" and then just turns around and goes upstairs. Are you following
Alexis: Bones immediately follows.
Rebecca: I excitedly follow after her.
Alexis: Yeah, yeah. Bones is like, "Stairs. Okay. These are good. Interesting. Interesting way of getting to the second floor.”
Leila: Freddy dashes up the stairs.
Anna: Okay. As you get upstairs, she is going through her shelves and rummaging around looking for something. And you're all kind of just standing around behind her while she's doing this. And she says, "Well, since you don't have an invitation, no doubt the director will have made you take the long way around, and it will be very difficult for you to get to the Herbarium at all, much less do whatever it is you think you're going to do when you get there. I have something you can take with you. It probably won't even help you."
Anna: And she takes down a little leather case that has an embossed kind of image of a comet on the front on the top. And she opens the latch, and she shows it to you. And inside there is a very pale blue crystal that's about this long, and it's sort of nestled in a little velvet pouch.
Anna: And she holds it out to you, and she says, "Now I do have so much work to do, so if you will just show yourselves out, this may be of use to you. Don't bother bringing it back. It's fine. Mostly I just want you to leave."
Rebecca: "What does it do?"
Jessica: "What is it?"
Anna: It's a little crystal wand. It has three charges of Magic Missile.
Alexis: Ooh. Nice. Bones is shocked to be having someone give something freely and immediately just snatches for it and then kinda draws her hand back and is like, "Sorry, force of habit. Force of habit. Someone should take this."
Anna: Raises her eyebrows and hands the box to Isabel and says, "Please, please go. I'm so busy."
Rebecca: I take the box and say, "I am sorry. Sorry. Let's go."
Jessica: "Could you not tell anyone we were here?"
Anna: "Oh, sure. I will not be answering the door for the rest of the night. You have no idea how much math I have to do right now."
Jessica: "Oh, sorry, one more thing, Ms. Herschel. Which way is the river?"
Anna: "Well, I mean, you could go—you're not going to the river, though. You're going to the Herbarium, are you not?"
Jessica: "Well, you saw the letter. We're supposed to meet someone by the [unclear 01:16:52]."
Anna: "The river runs all along the edge of the garden, but the Herbarium is all the way at the other end of the garden from my home. So like I said, the director has made you take the long way. I expect if you had an invitation, things would have been different." I don't know what this accent is I've decided on for Caroline.
Alexis: I like it.
Anna: I think this is the one that I picked out for the villain, so who knows?
Jessica: "Can you at least point us back to the path? Can you help us get back on the path, please, Miss Herschel?"
Anna: "If you will just please leave my observatory by way of the stairs and then go out the back door, if you just follow that path, it'll get you there eventually."
Leila: Freddy starts bowing while walking backwards out the door.
Jessica: There are stairs behind you.
Leila: Oh, God. I guess Freddy fell down the stairs. Do I need to roll damage?
Anna: Yeah. It's one flight of stairs. It's 1d10, right?
Leila: I took 6 points of damage.
Anna: Oh, my God.
Rebecca: Freddy!
Jessica: "Oh, Freddy!" I'll cast Goodberry 'cause that seems to be a thing we probably need tonight. So how many do I get? Ten berries. Okay. I'll hand you two berries.
Leila: Okay. What do I do? Do I just eat them? What do I do with them?
Jessica: Yeah, you eat them, and then they give you 1 hit point each.
Leila: Oh, sweet.
Anna: Caroline just slams the door at the top of the stairs. And you can see that if you go around behind the staircase, there's a door that leads out to the back garden.
Rebecca: "I think that the great Caroline Herschel might be just a little bit annoyed with us."
Alexis: "What makes you think that?"
Jessica: "Well, we are a bit annoying."
Leila: Freddy's gonna walk towards the back door and open it and say, "Shall we?"
Alexis: "We shall."
Anna: As you walk out the back door, Bones, you hear a kind of clicking sound, like chuk-chuk-chuk, from behind and above you.
Alexis: I turn around.
Anna: You turn around, and you look up to the roof of Caroline's cottage. And you see that all the mechanisms that you saw when you looked through the window, you can see they kind of come up out of the roof. There's a section of the roof that's open. And you see a big wheel turning, and you see a big, shiny, brass telescope poking up out of the roof of the cottage.
Alexis: Whoa.
Anna: And you gather that Caroline is adjusting the telescope. And it's a big 20-foot reflector.
Alexis: "Well, it looks like we didn't ruin her whole night, so I think that's really good. I think we should keep going."
Anna: You are headed through the woods along the path that she set you on. And the thick kinda pine trees that surround her cottage start to thin out, and you see more different kinds of trees kind of interspersed in with them, and the woods start to thin out a little bit as you walk along. And who has the highest passive perception? That's probably Bones, right?
Alexis: Mine is 14.
Anna: Yeah. So you, Bones, can hear just kind of evening woodland sounds. Nothing threatening. You also hear what sounds like maybe, you're not sure, maybe water but not running water. Waves? You're not sure.
Anna: And as you all are walking along, all of a sudden from behind you, through the leaves and pine needles in the forest, you hear the pitter-patter of really small feet from behind you, just sprinting full tilt and weaving through the trees and then weaving through between your legs a tiny little white dog that's this big. It's a little terrier sorta thing. It's moving really fast. Little dog zooms past you and runs off into the woods and disappears ahead of you.
Alexis: I'm completely like, "What? What? What's going on here? Did anyone else see that dog, or was it just—we all saw the dog, right?"
Rebecca: There was a dog.
Leila: Freddy is already chasing the dog. Not even there to hear your question anymore. Freddy is just chasing after the dog.
Rebecca: "Freddy, come back!"
Anna: No. We [unclear 01:22:11] dog.
Rebecca: So I start running after Freddy. Are Henri and Bones gonna follow?
Jessica: Yeah, I guess. I don't wanna split the party. Maybe a little bit more reluctantly. I'm like, "Ugh, here we go."
Leila: Yeah. Freddy is trying everyone's patience. I can tell.
Anna: You begin a mad chase through the woods, running after this little dog. And you can kind of see it sort of bobbing through the trees ahead of you, but it's keeping a pretty good distance. And it's leading you out of the woods around Caroline's house, sticking mostly to the path. So you're kind of running along the path as well. And as the woods thin out, the path opens up, and you see that it runs alongside a big body of water, a lake.
Anna: There's a shoreline there with a few trees and rocks and things, and the little dog is kind of bouncing around between all of these things, still running pretty much full tilt. And in the distance, now that the trees have cleared, you can see another small cottage. Kind of a similar situation, where you can see that there's light in the windows and you can see that there's smoke in the chimney. And the little dog jumps over a rock and disappears. Make a Perception check for me, Leila, since you're in the front of the chase.
Leila: 12.
Anna: You see the dog leap over the rock, and there's a tree right behind the rock. And then it's basically right on the edge of this lake. And behind it you see this cottage. You think you see a figure behind that tree. You're not sure.
Leila: Oh. Okay. I'm gonna wait for the rest of the party to catch up to me and then tell them that I think I see someone standing over there.
Rebecca: I get to you first, and I'm like, "Freddy, don't do that!"
Leila: "But did you see the cute little dog?"
Alexis: Bones is like, "Are we just gonna keep running into people?" I'm panting.
Anna: Okay. You guys are all maybe 20 yards away from this cottage now. And there's these trees and boulders and things at the edge of the lake where the cottage is situated. And you're all looking in the direction that Freddy pointed. And from behind a tree, the figure that Freddy saw emerges from behind the tree and climbs over the rocks. And it's a woman, and she's holding the white dog in her arms.
Leila: "Can I pet your dog?"
Anna: "Oh, hello. Oh, look at you. Oh, lovely. Oh, goodness. Wow, you do have quite a lot of weapons. Well, that'll probably come in handy. Oh, look, are you wearing pantaloons under there? Very practical."
Alexis: "Who are you?"
Anna: "Oh! So rude of me. So rude of me. I'm Mary, Mary Anning, and this is Tray, my dog. Surely you've heard of me? Do see. Look. There's some of my latest acquisitions drying up there on the roof of my cottage."
Anna: And you can see, on the roof of the cottage behind her, there are some bones strewn out on the roof. "Those should be done, I would say, yes, by the end of next week, I think. And then I'll take them inside and make some drawings. Lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely."
Alexis: Bones' attention is like, [hums]. Like, just I can't even respond to the conversation. I'm just lookin' at these bones like, "I wonder what pit they came. Okay."
Anna: "Oh, I see you're a connoisseur, my dear. Excellent, excellent. Well, I wish I had time to show you all of my collections. They are really quite spectacular. However, Tray has just been at Caroline's, and he told me what you're doing and what your mission is. And I think the best thing to do is to get you right along on your way."
Rebecca: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. The dog told you?"
Anna: "Well, yes, of course he did. He's very smart." Tray barks. It's cute.
Rebecca: "Not the weirdest thing that's happened tonight, so let's go with that."
Anna: "No, I wouldn't think so."
Alexis: "No. No."
Rebecca: "Do you know about the skeletons in the—"
Anna: "Oh, the skeletons! Oh, those ruffians. Well, yes, I see you've got yourself a trophy there."
Jessica: "They're very rude."
Leila: "Can you tell us where the party is?"
Anna: "The party's in the Herbarium."
Leila: "Can you help us get there? Can you tell us how to get there? We seem to become lost."
Anna: "Well, yes, you're going to have to get across the lake to begin with, but Caroline's told me you don't have an invitation. Is that right?"
Alexis: "Well, yes, that is—"
Leila: Freddy whips out her dirty letter again.
Anna: "Okay, yes, that's not an invitation. That's something else. Yes, well, if you don't have an invitation, then the director has you go the long way around. And I'm sure you've seen already that that's quite a trying way to get to the party."
Jessica: "It is indeed."
Alexis: "We've been tried."
Anna: "Yes, well, unfortunately I think you will be tried again, perhaps several more times, before you can get to the party. But I'll do my best to help you. I'll send Tray with
you, and he is an excellent scout, aren't you, Tray?" Tray barks. He leaps out of her arms and just starts running around your legs very excitedly.
Leila: Aww.
Rebecca: Aww.
Jessica: Aww.
Alexis: I feel like for once, though, we are all looking at each other and thinking, "We're not the strangest people in this conversation. For once."
Anna: "I like where your head's at. Go with that." Tray has Message up to 120 feet, so he can go and scout ahead for you and tell you things.
Alexis: Yes! All right.
Leila: What's that, Lassie? Someone fell down the well?
Anna: Exactly. And he will just follow along with you if you like. I mean, I guess you could be like, "Hell, no. Get this dog out of here."
Rebecca: No. I mean, I don't think Freddy would let us.
Alexis: No.
Leila: No. Freddy is into it. She is on the ground rolling around with Tray.
Anna: "Oh, he likes you already. Excellent."
Alexis: Before we leave, Bones kinda whispers to Mary, kinda like, "So those bones that you have up there, how long did you say they would take to dry?"
Anna: "Oh, ah, you are a cunning one. If you make it through this, you come back and talk to me. We have much to discuss."
Alexis: All right. Bones gives her a thumbs up. Bones is happy.
Anna: "Excellent. I think the best thing to do in order to get to the Herbarium as quickly as possible would be to go across the lake, and I have just the means of transport that I think you'll need."
Jessica: "I hope you're referring to a boat."
Anna: "Oh, no, definitely not. Don't worry. It'll be fun." So she leans down. And she pats Tray on the head, and she says, "Take care of these four. They seem like they might need it." And she turns around, and she faces the lake. And she pulls out of her pocket a very tiny pennywhistle that's silver. And she plays a little tune. In the middle of the lake, you see a disturbance beginning. There is some bubbling and some rippling of water.
Anna: And then you see something beginning to emerge from the water. It kind of looks like stone, maybe, but all of a sudden you see as it comes up out of the water, it's maybe the head of something, but it's on quite a long neck. And then you see its back emerge, and then you see a little flick of a tail. And as it approaches the shore where Mary is playing her little tune, you're pretty sure that's a dinosaur of some kind.
Jessica: What?
Rebecca: Dinosaur!
Alexis: Yes!
Anna: And so the creature kind of comes up to the shore, and you see that it has big, long flippers. And Mary turns around, and she puts her hands on her hips, and she says, "Ta-da! Do you like him? He's a plesiosaur. You know, I discovered those."
Rebecca: "He's amazing."
Jessica: The dinosaur, is it a skeleton, or is it a flesh dinosaur?
Anna: It's a flesh dinosaur. It's real. It's animated.
Jessica: Wow.
Alexis: Oh, whoa.
Anna: It looks friendly, though.
Jessica: "Oh, my. We're going to ride it?"
Anna: "Oh, yes, just like a ferry. Don't worry, he loves taking passengers."
Jessica: Ferry as in F-E-R-R-Y or F-A-I-R-Y?
Anna: Well, isn't that a good question? All right. All aboard.
Alexis: Oh, Bones is just pushin' y'all out of the way. And she is climbing on. She is ready.
Anna: Yeah. So the plesiosaur goes "Rargh" or whatever and puts one flipper out like a gangplank. And you can walk up the flipper onto his back. And Tray's already there. Tray's sitting on its head.
Alexis: Aw, yes! I love it.
Anna: A Loch Ness Monster situation with Tray sitting on its head.
Alexis: I love everything about this. Oh, my God.
Rebecca: Amazing.
Leila: Freddy goes up to Mary Anning and starts shaking her hand very vigorously.
Anna: "Oh, yes, darling, yes, yes, yes, yes All right. All right. Okay. Oh, goodness. You are dirty, aren't you? All right. Well, go run along. I mean, you've got quite a journey ahead of you. Good luck and all of that. You, Bones, come back and see me. We have a lot of, uh, bones to talk about."
Alexis: I wink.
Rebecca: So I will also follow after Bones onto the plesiosaur. And also when I get there, I say, "If you steal anything from Mary Anning—"
Alexis: I look insulted, but then I wink.
Anna: All right. So the plesiosaur sort of shimmies back off the beach and turns around, and with Tray sitting on his head, you guys cross the lake without incident. It's nice. Smooth ride. It's pretty chill. It's a dinosaur.
Rebecca: Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Anna: And he delivers you to the other side of the lake, where you see that the path starts up again. And you hop off onto the beach. You see a path that curves away down to your right, and this path is lined with very leafy, very luscious tropical-looking foliage. It's very different from the other side of the lake, where it was more pines and rocks and things.
Anna: So you've arrived in a totally different part of the garden, and ahead of you, you can see the foliage sort of starts getting increasingly bigger, like there's palmetto that's kind of low to the ground, but then there are bigger palm trees and viny things, and I live in the desert. I don't know much about tropical plants. And it gets sort of thicker and more lush as the path winds around to your right.
Rebecca: Well, I am very excited because we're finally in a actual jungle. Well, not actual jungles, but we're talking about some real plants now. And so I don't know. I'm from the topics I'm excited about there being tropical plants.
Anna: Yeah. There's bromeliads and orchids clinging to things, and it's pretty chill.
Leila: Well, Freddy hops off of the plesiosaur and kind of [kissing noises] for Tray to come and follow her, and she hops up onto the path and looks at everyone else and says, "Shall we continue?"
***
Leila: We hope that you enjoyed part one of Herbarium Heist. And if you did, be sure that you head on over to our Patreon, patreon.com/ladyscience, to become a monthly patron. And also please consider leaving us a rating and a review on Apple Podcasts so that new listeners can find us. And if you wanna find out if your intrepid lady scientists reach the Herbarium and bring down Joseph the Director, tune in for part two on April 24th.
Image credit: Adaptation illustration of Kew Gardens by Anna Reser
